NOTHING I SAID BEYOND THE UNAUTHORIZED CHARGES ON MY CARD WAS TRUE. I'VE NEVER SEEN HER HAVE ANYTHING BUT GOOD INTENTIONS TOWARD HOBBYISTS. HER REVIEWS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.
Since I cannot delete this thread, prepare for a long but interesting (and sad) read. Skip to bottom for the TLDR version. I would appreciate it if all my false allegations and personal attacks could be moderated out as well. If some nice moderator would bend the rules and delete this thread I would honestly sleep better for the next few nights. Hopefully this can end up getting her a bit more attention, positive attention, if you read this last post by me. Not negative attention like I intended it to when I wrote it.
Yeah let me explain my reasoning and state of mind for this post so I don't seem like such a petty douchebag with anger issues (which I am but anyway). I hope she reads this too.
Me and ittybittyaries have been close friends for quite some time now. In fact she (at least to my face) considers me her best friend, as I did her for a long time. Having a friend tell me they loved me, say they worry about me, and giving me a hug every time I left was something new to me. Never really had many friends that care about me like that...I definitely chose my previous friends poorly but not her. She told me I am one of the few people in her life that cared about her with no ulterior motives, I did and still do, even though I am beyond pissed off still. That touched me, but I am a cokehead with anger issues. I am not good at keeping friends...I have been burned in the past by many people I considered close friends and have a hair trigger when it comes to being taken advantage of.
Me and her fight like cats and dogs even though we have never had a romantic or sexual relationship. You only really fight like that with people you care about. I cared for her like a little sister, I felt protective of her. She actually cared about me too, when I was on bad coke binges for multiple days she was one of my only friends who would be like, come here and chill and get some sleep, I'm worried about you. I don't judge her for her personal life. She is one of the best people I have ever met and we are on the low end of society's ladder. My parents rich lawyer friends are dogshit when it comes to their morals and personality. Racist fucks.
I'm not trippin' off of the charge itself. It was not a big amount and even though it overdrew my bank account which I now have to pay the fee for. I would have been able to look past that. People make mistakes. She probably thought she could pay the charge for the snack bar back in cash, but apparently it can only be charged to the room with a card on it. She of course offered to pay it back and felt bad before I lost my short temper and told her to keep the money and said horrible, below-the-belt things about her. I said those horrible, unforgiveable things about her in private messages and on this post, (which were thankfully moderated out...and I hope this thread can either be deleted or be relegated to the depths of the forums never to be seen again once ya'll hear the full story) because I felt that my trust was betrayed yet again, as it has by other people I considered close friends in the past(not by her). She knew me before my addiction got so bad I can barely function on a daily basis anymore, and expresses concern for me almost every time we meet, because I am high as fuck and not able to function normally on my drug of choice...cocaine and alcohol. She was one of the few people I confided my deepest secrets in, I trusted and still do trust her. If me and her were both the best versions of ourselves I would have attempted to make her my girl a long, long time ago to be honest...
I have let her borrow my truck before to run errands while I slept. I had complete trust in her. I still do, the charges to my debit card were her mistake and even though she should have confirmed with the front desk that the food was not going to the card on the room, its an understandable mistake that just so happened to overdraw my account.
The thing that triggered my horrible temper was that I knew she was bringing her boyfriend over to the room after I left and then seeing the charges while I was gone. I was fine with that, no jealousy here of her man(maybe a little). Hope he treats her right. She hasn't been treated the way she deserves to be her whole life pretty much. But seeing those charges I just couldn't help but think of her man up in the room I put in my name and on my card (she paid me cash for it) enjoying some free food and gettin some bomb ass sex. I never do this anyway because I think its fuckin foolish to put your name on a room that may be involved in illegal activity. I had a little party to go to at around 2am on Saturday so I left around midnight, little later I think, with the understanding that she would either switch the card and ID on the room to her man's or would check out the next mornin.
So I was anxious as fuck already, having my name on the room she was working out of and leaving her there with her dude coming over. On top of that I have had issues with anxiety and my temper since High School, even when sober. Add the fact that I am a cocaine addict and was on a multiple day drinking/drug binge put me on a hair trigger. I drove down to SJ from Sac just to chill with her and decided going on a drug binge was a good idea. I actually had a great time for the most part and enjoyed exploring a new city...SJ seems chill.
The reason for the hole in the door I even understand. I said some fucked up shit to her in text messages that were way over the line for what she did. I woulda' fuckin' punched a door too. She could have put a LOT more charges on my card if she wanted to. Smoking would have been 300, the door was only 75. all in all from this experience I am in the hole for about 150 bucks but still I would have forgiven that and let her pay me back if it wasn't for my bad temper. I took things way too far by saying the things I said to her in private messages, I hit below the belt because I know her very well and I knew what insults would trigger her to actually get angry and probably wanted to make her cry and feel like shit about herself...those things are unforgivable and I don't expect you to forgive me for saying them Aries.
I don't regret getting angry with you at all, a lot of guys wouldn't have even put up with the extra charges even if they didn't have a personal relationship with you. What I do regret is saying the things I said intentionally to trigger you. You didn't deserve that and I apologize for those unforgivable words. Actually I am impressed you only punched a door and didn't trash the entire room and cost me hundreds of dollars...I know with my temper I would have done worse...lol...
So to sum things up, I said those things because I was butthurt you were enjoying a room with my card on it with your boyfriend and I was on a multiple day coke spree. I also had just been told to kick rocks by two women from dating sites, one that I was actually close to and felt a connection with, because I drove down to SJ to see you when I had made tentative plans with both of them that weekend. So I was in my room alone, fucked up, with two relationships all fuckin thrown down the drain because of my own dumb ass decisions. That's the state of mind I was in when I texted you those things. So I bet you regret the hole in the door, just like I regret making this post. But we cant take those things back. You can fix things on your end and your conscience will be clear, you can pay me back and everything is gravy. But on my end I cant take the things I said back. I feel horrible.
I regret what I said to you IttyBittyAries, like I said before I don't regret getting angry, I still am pissed off at you. I regret hitting below the belt like I did. In the end I am the only loser here, I threw away a perfectly good friendship for no good reason and now really have only one friend I was as close to as I was to you. I still care about you kid, and if you are ever in bad trouble you know where to find me. I'll always be there for you...but I realize we cannot even be friends at this point in our lives. We both have personalities that don't take shit from anyone and will fight fire with fire.
You hate seeing me destroy my life and my health with drugs and drinking just like I hate seeing you do what you have to do to survive. I also don't know if she realizes the effect a beautiful young woman like herself can have on men, what she believes is just being her friendly, normal, caring self can be taken differently by guys like me. Telling me you love me fucks with my head a little ya know, that's why I never really say it back in a meaningful way like you do or I make a joke out of it. I know I thought I was in love with her for a long time and had long conversations with myself about my feelings for her. I thought about you every day for a long time. In the end I just care for her like a big brother would his little sister and want the best for her.
Too long didn't read? I made this post out of spite. I wish it was deleted. I took things too far because I was angry and she does not deserve to have her reputation ruined.
I've been with her while she works and she has never been anything but respectful and professional in her approach to this hobby. She is an extraordinarily beautiful young girl that will provide you with excellent service if you treat her right. She is also a loyal friend...I would have trusted her with my life, no lie. She wont rob you, or steal from you whether its your time you paid for or your property or any fuckery like that. (She might steal your heart though...corny but had to put that in) I WISH YOU THE BEST ITTYBITTYARIES AND I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME SOMEDAY IN THE DISTANT FUTURE. When we are both different, happier versions of ourselves.
PLEASE DISREGARD MY ORIGINAL POST AND GIVE ARIES A CALL IF YOU ARE IN SEARCH OF A SAFE PROVIDER WHO WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE NOT HOBBYING, BUT ARE WITH A GOOD FRIEND. If this post can end up benefiting her instead of driving guys away like I intended it to do while in a rage and not in my right mind, I could sleep easier.
As it is I feel horrible that I could have hurt her reputation permanently by me overreacting to something that was not that big of a deal.
I've been around this site for quite some time, low key lurking. In Sacramento where she and I are from, I would rate her in the top 10 providers in the area based on her looks, service, skills, and friendly personality.