Forums » General » Hobbyist Q&A » What is an ATF?







Chaplinicon
tophat cluck
Since: Nov '15
pushpin 1400 - Qr 29 Reviews


I've seen this term thrown around loosely and in different contexts. All-Time Favorite dictates that only one can exist at a time. However, I've seen frequent mentions to ATFs, which better translates to all your favorites. What is the commonly defined relationship between a hobbyist and a so-called ATF? What are the rules, the guidelines, the proper etiquette to behave by? Is it solely a one-sided affair, or does it have to be mutually agreed upon? Do providers have ATF clients? How do you get in such good graces with a provider? How far above and beyond do you have to go to secure that bond? 


Sometimes I'll read someone talking on the forums or in reviews about how their "ATF" lets them do this or that, gives them perks or benefits, extended time, freebies, etc. That sounds like a really special connection. I suppose the proper question then might be to inquire how one obtains such a platinum-standard ATF. I've had good experiences and I've had bad experiences. Logic and common sense would have me believe that my 'best experience ever' would be my ATF provider. However if that isn't a mutual decision, it doesn't really count. 


I've protracted this question long enough. All my deductive reasoning leads me to assume that I don't currently have an ATF. By which I mean that none of the providers I've seen seem to care about me outside of our session time. What are the proper practices of ATFs? Are they your friends in real life or just pretend? Someone you can talk to outside of the hobby? Are they there to comfort you and make you feel good (and vice versa)? Do they go above and beyond a session to do whatever they can to please you? Or is it simply a title for your favorite provider. Please enlighten me, because if I have to hear one more hobbyist gloat about his 'special relationship' with his ATF, I'm going to lose my shit. 


TL;DR: What is the proper definition of an ATF?







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tophat philipfry
Since: May '16
pushpin 492 - 18 Reviews


TL;DR: What is the proper definition of an ATF?

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Booze, smokes, fucken guns, and now boom goes the dynamite baby!  https://www.atf.gov


Yeah, you can have more than one ATF especially in different geographical areas.  It's basically your favorite go to person that you enjoy spending time with.  Essentially, someone who acts like your girlfriend, but is not your girlfriend.  I have maybe a handful of ATFs located in different areas.  Some have retired and moved on.  The quest to find an ATF is a continuous one.







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tophat Wildcat91
Since: Jun '16
pushpin 2339 - 3 Reviews


The proper use of the term ATF is when a pimp writes a first review for his latest and greatest recruit.  He will typically write something along the lines of... "OMG MY NEW ATF SHES NOT GFE BUT THAT DIDNT BOTHER ME AT ALL SHE WAS SIMPLY AMAZING THE BEST IVE EVER HAD YOUVE GOT TO SEE THIS GIRL FOSHO"


Note the use of all caps and lack of punctuation. This is important while announcing your new ATF.  It's vital that some dumb shit hobbyists believes da pimple's claims and runs out to see his latest runaway... errr uhhhh... provider.  Otherwise she is destined to be relagated to non-bottom bitch status and shunned by the pimped up community.  No newbie wants this to be said about her, "That sad bitch don't make no money for daddy!"


I hope this helps.







tophat honu1111
Since: Jun '15
pushpin 352 - 1 Review


Well, crap, both PF and WC posted my first couple of thoughts.


But seriously, when I used to be more active, I would say "one of my ATF's". Usually it was a woman who upon first meeting we clicked. And developed some odd form of relationship...yeah- there was still always the exchange of money. But sessions may run long. Things not normally on the menu may be a reality. Maybe on the right nights book for an hour. Bring a bottle of wine or two, some chocolates, some new lingerie or a new toy...then go have breakfast or brunch the next morning. 


Caveat- falling in love, when neither party can afford to...ultimately...


Then of course there's the other ATF's. The woman who both looks and fucks just like you a woman want to. May be no connection whatsoever.


Take your pick of which version you might think you want. Both come with their issues...







Felixbag
tophat peckerotis
Since: Jul '16
pushpin 1358 - 4 Reviews


To me my ATF is the best that I've been with. The one who will treat me as if she is in love with me, if only it is role playing. She is emotional, receptive, and willing to please. We can share things that we can't share with our SO, family, or even close friends. She enjoys seeing me on dinner dates (no charge), and acts romantically when we are together. She is the one that I feel jealous of when I see her post, and the one I wouldn't share with even  my best friend. Sounds corny? Maybe. But friendship and love shows no boundaries. I don't even want to be with another once she satisfies my needs. She is the first thing I think about when I awake.







Megatron2
tophat Megatron
Since: Aug '14
pushpin 2639 - 12 Reviews


First off make no mistake it's pretty much one-sided. She's my ATF doesn't mean I'm her ATF! The only definition I can think of is something vague: a girl you see on a regular basis whose connection and chemistry with you is more than normal provider/client relationship. Just how much more depends on each individual and case.


For example I see my AFT regular every two weeks or so. My rate is grandfathered since the original half hour but now I can take up to one hour not necessarily all sex but also hanging out cuddling afterward and chitchating. Service is beyond RBGFE++. In return I sometimes prepay days in advance or loan her small amount if she's in need. Also the occasional gifts for special occasions such as B-day, Xmas etc...


But that's mine. I don't expect others to have the same definition or type of relationship.


More than anything to achieve the status of ATF to me means she's the best fuck or lover at the moment. So that has to be the first and most important criteria.


PS:  She's free to see others. I gather she no longer advertises but see a small circle of regulars. My philosophy is that if I can't provide 100% for a girl I'm willing to time-share her with others no biggie! LOL.  








tophat PeterPeter
Since: Sep '14
pushpin 875 - Qr 62 Reviews


To me there is only one ATF at a time, and she is simply your favorite girl at the moment.  That doesn't have to mean you are getting extras or have a special bond, merely that of all the ladies you have seen, she is your favorite so you tend to repeat with her a lot.  Given that definition, almost everybody has an ATF, unless they just can't decide who they like best.


That said, the lady you like the most is probably the one you like the most because of the chemistry and relationship you have with her.  And she probably likes you a lot too, because if she didn't, then odds are you would sense that and she wouldn't be your favorite.  My ATF at this point goes way beyond any client/provider relationship, we hang out together as friends all the time (like she will go on trips with me), all off the clock, just friends, but when I fuck her, I always pay her.  Since we are hanging out (sometimes for days) anyways, it's not a time-based business arrangement at all.  I pay her an agreed upon fee when we get intimate, and more than half the time we hang out together that doesn't even happen.  And just like any other friend in my life, I help her out in all sorts of ways, and she helps me too.


then I have a whole bunch of other ladies that I regular with who have become more casual friends...we will occasionally go to dinner before a session, or I have even had one pick me up from the airport when I arrive, or I have helped one of them move before, and again, the clock is often not a significant factor, but I rarely see them unless we are sessioning.  A couple of them I talk with throughout the week about whatever, and others we only talk logistics until we get together.  And many guys would call them atf's, I don't.


Then there are the hordes of ladies I see occasionally and it is purely about the transaction, they are fun too.







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tophat pohaku
Since: Nov '14
pushpin 592


ATF provides not only physical but other aspect of personal relationships. Some women have certain condition for a client to become a regular and enjoy discount. ex. meet her at least 10 times within 3 month period. Real regulars are beneficial to providers in a sense that they provide financial stability. Clients also benefit from being able to focus on the fun elements of transaction rather than spending resource and energy for setting up,  screening,  stress of  ROB or LE paranoia. I think people who likes the thrill of variety and impulsive sessions will never really understand why some clients stay with one ATF over a long period of time.  In addition,  some variety clients feel more comfortable keeping some ( emotional) distance from sex workers while repeat clients could be more open to emotional connections.


Client who are happy with ATF probably no longer qualify as hobbyist from escort site community's POV. It really made me think whether I am really after sex or semi ritualized relationship- interaction with that particular person. My conclusion was latter one because even if another person offered  exactly the same play and exactly the same dynamic.. no one can really  replace an ATF and that is the way it should be,... There are so many examples of this .. just ask a client who lost his ATF to retirement or marriage.







Kramer 1q
tophat Cosmo Kramer
Since: Feb '15
pushpin 522






Chaplinicon
tophat cluck
Since: Nov '15
pushpin 1400 - Qr 29 Reviews


Caveat- falling in love, when neither party can afford to...ultimately...

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Don't worry, I never have to worry about someone falling in love with me.


The replies in this thread were eye-opening but essentially confirmed what I had suspected all along. Namely, the fact that I feel like I'm the one being shafted. It's certainly given me a lot to think about going forward. 


I'm still uncertain as to the details of how this comes about. Who makes the initial inquiry? How do you broach the ATF topic? I feel like the dude bringing it up would be rather presumptuous, but if the lady did it, what am I going to say, no? So I always waited for the provider to make the first move or give me some sort of sign. After all, she already knows I'm interested (by the very act of choosing her), so it should be her decision if she wants to pursue a long term arrangement with me. The catch-22 is that I probably don't repeat enough with a provider in order to gain that level of trust; but the reason I don't repeat is because they're not giving me any indication that there's any sort of connection there in the first place. So I keep going from one to another like a vagabond, trying to find my home, but never really getting anywhere. I think I'm going to end up running out of money before I build any lasting relationships in this hobby. It doesn't help that I lack the same charms to "win" these women over that I do in real life. I can't seem to catch a break.


Mostly I just feel really, really shitty. From what some of you have said (PeterPeter, you luckylucky fuck), it sounds like you've built lasting friendships with these women that will continue well beyond the hobby, and that is amazing. I have a lot more to say about this but I'll regroup my thoughts and start again in the morning. Thanks, guys.







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tophat Countrydavid305
Since: Apr '17
pushpin 27 - 3 Reviews


Dude this is wild I feel a fresh ATF Forum coming soon. 







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tophat philipfry
Since: May '16
pushpin 492 - 18 Reviews


I'm still uncertain as to the details of how this comes about. Who makes the initial inquiry? How do you broach the ATF topic? I feel like the dude bringing it up would be rather presumptuous, but if the lady did it, what am I going to say, no? So I always waited for the provider to make the first move or give me some sort of sign. After all, she already knows I'm interested (by the very act of choosing her), so it should be her decision if she wants to pursue a long term arrangement with me. The catch-22 is that I probably don't repeat enough with a provider in order to gain that level of trust; but the reason I don't repeat is because they're not giving me any indication that there's any sort of connection there in the first place. So I keep going from one to another like a vagabond, trying to find my home, but never really getting anywhere. I think I'm going to end up running out of money before I build any lasting relationships in this hobby. It doesn't help that I lack the same charms to "win" these women over that I do in real life. I can't seem to catch a break.


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You communicate, it's that simple. You're assuming she knows you're interested by choosing her? I've seen many ladies that piqued my interest, but learned there was no connection, and haven't seen them since. If you don't communicate, she's not going to read your mind. Based on your reviews, it seems like you've already found an ATF you enjoy seeing. But, if you're having trouble finding an ATF in the provider world, you may want to start exploring SD-SB arrangements.







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tophat pohaku
Since: Nov '14
pushpin 592


I personally know a woman who chose to came to RB to find her partner. Countless other women met their husbands in escort sites and are now living happy life.

Some people can only see providers as a different type of people. To me there is absolutely no distinction between people in general and sex workers. People who always want to find the difference are buying the narrative our society and churches have taught them. In other word, they are blind followers of others ideology or caste system.  There is no difference between finding good Friends with Benefit and finding ATF. All the rules of relationship apply. Some people are obsessed with payment part of transaction but I have never seen any sexual relationship that has no expectation of payment / transaction. ( payment could be commitment or emotional support too )


There should be mutual effort to make the relationship work - that means effort to make the relationship fair and sustainable.Some concrete effort from both sides. In my humble opinion,  it probably starts with recognizing each other as an unique  individual and not an object that  provides sex or cash.







tophat yonikisser
Since: Aug '16
pushpin 3


As has been stated, definitions vary because of the individual needs of the hobbyist.  Like Megatron alluded to, my definition of an ATF is one who considers me her ATF.  Not only does she ONLY "do extras for me" but she has a genuine surrender in her demeanor that translates into a "I want you and only you" feeling.  (Wink, wink)  Irresistible to the hobbyist looking for true or imagined intimacy.  "She is the one you wake up thinking of" and she is the one you think of before you go to sleep.  Let's face it, you are in love with her or at least the fantasy of being in love.  Fantasy then turns to reality and you think (no you believe) that you are the only one because she says so.  And we all know that when we pull back the curtain and reality minus the fantasy hits us in the face, we are devastated.  Finding a woman who can truly relax and let you see who she really is continues to be a draw for me.  Being able to feel that her actions towards you are genuine and not an Academy Award performance is so alluring.  But alas, most turn out to be fleeting or disingenuous.  Some are lucky in this regard but for me living in reality is a better option even though it entails being satisfied physically and not emotionally.







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rose starsworld
Since: Jun '14
pushpin 208 - 14 Reviews


I want to answer your question "do providers have ATF clients?" Deff. To me my ATF client is not just a regular but more than that. He makes me feel safe, secure, & genuinely cares about me as a person. My ATF client checks on me regularly just to see if I need anything or if everything is going smoothly. 

I don't just throw around the term ATF when speaking of that person but in my mind that is what he is to me. & I hope he knows it 😍







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rose ErinBust
Since: Jan '17
pushpin 60 - 8 Reviews


😂😂😂😂







Chaplinicon
tophat cluck
Since: Nov '15
pushpin 1400 - Qr 29 Reviews


I want to answer your question "do providers have ATF clients?" Deff. To me my ATF client is not just a regular but more than that. He makes me feel safe, secure, & genuinely cares about me as a person. My ATF client checks on me regularly just to see if I need anything or if everything is going smoothly. 

I don't just throw around the term ATF when speaking of that person but in my mind that is what he is to me. & I hope he knows it 😍

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Reading this makes me feel so jealous. What a lucky dude.







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tophat 50sXfittr
Since: Nov '15 Vip  
pushpin 1202 - 18 Reviews


Boy, this is a lot to chew on, but here is my best shot:

First let me say I think your concept of an ATF relationship is a little off.  It sounds more like you are looking for a girlfriend.  That is NOT what this is.


What is the commonly defined relationship between a hobbyist and a so-called ATF? What are the rules, the guidelines, the proper etiquette to behave by? Is it solely a one-sided affair, or does it have to be mutually agreed upon? Do providers have ATF clients? How do you get in such good graces with a provider? How far above and beyond do you have to go to secure that bond? 


There is no commonly defined ATF relationship.  Every relationship is different.  Some may stay in the bedroom, some may venture to lunch/dinner/drink dates and some may turn into a friendship or more.

There are no rules.

It can be one-sided or it can be mutual.  An ATF is someone you enjoy sessioning with and hanging out with.  Some men have several ATFs and some only one.  

Most, if not all, ladies have clients they enjoy spending time with more than others.  That may be only a few out of dozens of men she has seen. 

You may not be your ATFs favorite and vice versa.  When you are one of your ATFs favorites it can be a very special relationship, but it doesn't have to be mutual.

I believe in order to become a favorite of hers, you need to be a regular, have your hygiene on point, be punctual, be respectful, don't haggle, be engaging and probably doesn't hurt to be a good lover.  This is the minimum, but does not guarantee anything.


What are the proper practices of ATFs? Are they your friends in real life or just pretend? Someone you can talk to outside of the hobby? Are they there to comfort you and make you feel good (and vice versa)? Do they go above and beyond a session to do whatever they can to please you? Or is it simply a title for your favorite provider


This is a hard one to answer as again every relationship is different, so I will speak in general terms from what I've learned.


I think for a lot of people, it is simply a title for your favorite lady or her favorite gent.

For some, yes they become friends outside the bedroom.  Even this can have varying degrees of friendship.  Some have even gone on to marry, but this is extremely rare.

If the feeling is mutual, yes there can be perks that most clients don't receive.  Maybe her menu will be more open, maybe toys are an option, maybe a shower together, maybe meals off the clock, maybe rates are lower or grandfathered.  Maybe its nothing more than enjoying each others company as a regular session.


In conclusion, one way AFTship is the most common.  Mutual ATFship is more rare and requires time together to build on the relationship just like a civvie relationship.  There are no rules and it can't be forced.  It just had to grow.







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rose Katie_krush
Since: Jul '14 Vip  
pushpin 734 - 76 Reviews


>"I suppose the proper question then might be to inquire how one obtains such a platinum-standard ATF. "


The answer is simply loyalty. You have to earn the special treatment ... My favorite regulars have seen me for years, even through tough times. That's loyalty. They've helped me so much, so many times  just by seeing me and I appreciate them so much. They've proven to me that I can trust them to do and mean what they say, and vise versa. Plus the more I see and get to know someone, the more comfortable I am! We care about each other but respect one another's boundaries. It's built over time...just think of an atf as the hobby equivalent to a bff!







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tophat TennGent
Since: Dec '15
pushpin 302 - Qr 41 Reviews


Well said Xfittr!  You have pretty much accurately summed it up!  


And yes, I definitely have a #1ATF!   And I feel very fortunate that she tells me that I am her ATF!!







Chaplinicon
tophat cluck
Since: Nov '15
pushpin 1400 - Qr 29 Reviews


I would love to be your ATF, babe!  But I fear I would never be able to stand out among the individuals you've been seeing for years.