I am so horribly awkward and nervous and just... awful on civilian dates. I get all anxious and sweaty and watch the whole thing just devolve into a dumpster fire of floundering clumsiness. Yet completely comfortable and relaxed on hobby dates. Anyone else have this happen to them too?
Maybe I should just stop torturing myself with blundering attempts at civilian dating?
What is it about civilian dating that makes you anxious? I believe if you can answer that question, you can solve your problem. Once you figure it out, hopefully you can enjoy civilian dating. It might be just a simple confidence issue. Perspective is everything; change it if you can.
The term "date" in hobbying sense is a euphemism for an exchange of sexual favors for money. It's used to avoid entrapment.
Dating in the civilian sense is two people spending time together to see if they have any chemistry on which to form a relationship,usually not for a finite sexual encounter.
Although they have some similarities,they are two completely different types of interactions; one is for an immediate and anonymous exchange,the other is to see if there is compatibility for a long term relationship.
With hobby dating,even with it's inherent dangers,it's easier to be relaxed because both parties know what they are there for.
I think being involved with the hobby makes civilian dating harder; there's social stigma for providers and hobbyists to deal with and that's added to need to impress someone new.
In some ways being in the hobby makes it easier. You internalize not giving a crap about what others think as it's a transactional relationship from a financial standpoint. The problem arises from seeing the same provider on a regular or semi-regular basis. You get comfortable and lines get fuzzy. Whether the fuzziness is mutual is always difficult. The cynic in me says don't treat her like a "whore" and she won't treat you like a trick. With the corollary being don't act like her boyfriend because she's not your girlfriend.
You'd really want to stop civilian dating? Don't do that. Although it can be exhausting. I think a great question to ask is what are you expecting on the date or during dating. If you are trying to impress or be something you aren't them you'll get out of shape.
I stopped doing that. I just be myself, polite and just let it flow. From forums you seem nice and have a outlook on life. Don't worry you're probably doing just fine. Be yourself, start convos about almost anything. I love when women are themselves and like to talk on dates
Yes I have had exact same expereinces as you Jade. Why I met someone two week ago was out ona a date and later was making out with her and then she started acting all weird on me! I was terrified, afterwards I felt so empty and sad. I am really fond of her and find her very attractive, I wnat to be with her but I just cannot deal with her craziness. Being with a provider is so much more relaxing, fun and stress free!
It is definitely normal, I think we secretly fear rejection or want to impress so badly on civilian dates We psyche ourselves....On a hobbyist date you know he's going to worship the ground you walk on and probably be too happy to be with you haha.
Basically one is a lot of work, making sure you look and act a certain way and the other he's paying for your time and mostly ready to have "fun".
One cares about what is truly inside of you and the other just wants to get inside of you.
That's why you're nervous, being emotionally vulnerable is always scary!
I wonder if it is a question of control . . . . where you need and demand more control on the hobby "date" for your own safety. Who are the guys you are dating?. Are they regular guys or some extreme?. Are you choosing them or are they choosing you? Wish I knew you better . . . . seems like others find it similar. . . very interesting . . . oh, and btw, love the phrase: watch the whole thing just devolve into a dumpster fire of floundering clumsiness.
I must be dating the wrong girls. Lol I never assumed girls worried about impressing guys. You should look at it from our side. I have literally been on dates thinking "how did I even land a date with this 10? I'm a solid 5. Y=mx+b... wait that's a straight line not a parabola.. oh yeah the date..." Definitely stay in the game, we all have our quirks. I'm a goofy guy who likes to laugh at myself and at times other people. So when I am with a girl as equally awkward - it almost becomes a perfect comedy show of a date. I did see Star Wars with a gal that was horribly awkward and I felt bad cause I had to be the guy who didn't go on the second date. But I also tend to attract some crazy, stalker type girls. Cute and sometimes hot, but good not not worth the drama and trouble. Lol
These are all thoughtful responses! Each one rings *a bit* true I suppose. It would seem that I have a lot to think about before I put myself through the agony of trying to date civilians. I think for now I will stick to the hobby and keep the snuggles and netflix binges for me, my dog and my two rabbits.
Not trying to be rude here but a very important thing here is do you think your civilian date would be ok with you being a provider? I actually got very serious with a woman once and later found out she was a Prostitute. I was so upset and angry and hurt. Some professions dont leave much room for a normal social life, and sex worker is one of them...unless the boyfriend is a pimp.
I disagree with you sir. I have a very good friend that is a provider. We do things together as friends and socially is just as amazing as when we get together as provider/client. I think that our friendship makes it that much better. It's not always about the sex. Sex is only the icing in the cake.
I'm sorry you feel that way. But I do not share your feelings about sex workers. Not. At. All. The fact that *you* do not want to date a sex worker does not mean that a sex worker is un-dateable. It might surprise you to know that not everyone is exactly like you. So you trying to say that sex workers can't have a social life is ridiculous. I have a very active social life. A great relationship with my family. And yes, I go on civilian dates from time to time. I am out and upfront about what I do for a living with friends, family and potential romantic partners. The thing that makes it difficult for me is the fact that I am an awkward, blundering, idiot. Not the fact that I am a sex worker.
Whoa, there Jade!! You may feel awkward and blundering, but I (and I suspect many others on this very site) know you as generous, funny and charming in a kinky offbeat kind of way. Besides, at least half of men feel awkward and blundering right along with you. Almost all of them, like you, are wrong! I believe that, in many cases, if we could see ourselves as others see us, we would be very pleasantly surprised - maybe even pleasantly shocked!
Of course a sex worker is not un-dateable because he or she is a sex worker. Only if they are jerks - just like anybody else. I suspect that the saturation level of jerks in sex work is less than is many other professions.
Warning, I am not a woman, nor do I play one on TV... but: if I could be so bold as to extrapolate my experience, if only because when I started dating I was in my mid-twenties and all efforts before that had been horribly awkward and basically unsuccessful. I have realized later in life that shyness or being awkward around other people I don't know (which I assume is usually the case with people you are dating) is largely caused by me trying to act out some persona I'm not. That persona is usually an extroverted person who is interesting to members of the opposite sex. I make assumptions about what I think they want to hear because I'm trying to please. That was always pretty stressful - what if I slip up and say something bad, or boring, or not cool?
These days I know I'm a person who is a certain way, isn't going to change much, has had some moderately successful relationships with women or all types, and with billions of people out there it is pointless trying desperately hard to be liked for something I'm not. I also realized there are enough people that I like that also do not have stereotypical expectations of men that all one has to do is keep dating and eventually something will click with someone. But getting together with someone and finding you're quite different or not at all attracted or not at all interested in each other - either individually or mutually - that's bound to happen unless you are really lucky. Finding a way to deal with that non-awkwardly and respectably is a bit of an art IMO.
I sometimes wonder if a provider who is single and looking for real-world dates would consider actually dating a client. I was once asked on a date by one but I'm assuming it was a "date" and not a date ;-) However I've really no idea. Maybe a kind, polite, sometimes funny, semi decent looking guy who obviously has disposable income is actually an attractive candidate. At least it would avoid an awkward "reveal" later on when "what do you do during the day and weekend" comes up?
I am terrible at civilian dating. For one I am extremely short and have disabilities so women do not usually find me attractive. However I am a smart and nice guy so if I get a chance to meet a woman through a friend or some such, it goes much better. I like hobby dating because all the b.s. is dispensed with and I love treating the ladies with kindness and respect so we can get down to the kinky stuff I like.
As far as providers being not dateable, that is just stupid. The only concern I could think I'd have of dating a provider is she could be too tired from "working" all day to want to have fun time with me!
And Jade, I am surprised to read you feel awkward on civilian dates, you are one of the most fun, upbeat and positive people I have ever met.
Jadarose83 ...again im not judging. I feel as long as your upfront with your civilian date about your vocation and they are ok with it then by all means enjoy each other! The problem arises when someone hides what they do then the other party finds out after being attached. Its mistrust an unfair. As long as your honest though no worries! Blessings and good luck!
Until the whole conversation about whether or not you are going to be having sex with other people comes up it's not really any of his business. I am lucky enough to not have a square job, kids, etc that I would put at risk from having that information out there. So I have the luxury of being upfront with most of the people I meet. I totally understand why some providers would hesitate to share what they do for a living with someone they do not know very well. Sadly, what we do requires that we keep it secret. For our safety. Many providers would be putting a lot of things at risk by sharing that information with someone they do not know very well.
I don't think that is true. Many of the hobbyists I see are very charming and attractive IMO. I don't see why they would have trouble getting a civilian date. I think they just enjoy the NSA aspect of hobbying. If you are just trying to get laid it seems like an much simpler solution than dating.
I however already get laid plenty being a provider. So when I go on a civilian date I am looking for a deeper connection. And I think *that* is where I run into feeling like a dumpster fire of awkward.
For some, it is. I know guys that hobby here at home, that don't have the game, nor the looks, to give the HAWT civvie party girls what they're looking for.
On the other hand, I know a few good looking guys that do both. It all depends on the person. However, when it comes to civvie party girl-types, having a decent amount of cocaine will automatically override whatever deficiencies exist lol